[HAPPY?] [2003-05-17 @ 7:10 p.m.]

It is Saturday night.I have not heard from one of my friends since she did not show at the Verbena show I went to.-I figured she would not show up because her "boyfriend" probably didn't want to go.-That bummed me out...but at this point I am used to it and It's just a waste of my energy to get bummed out by these things anymore.-

Things that have bummed me out

1.People not being good friends to me.

2.Family not being like family to me.

3.Trying to find a job....

Ok instead of whining about all the b.s. that is going on - I am going to do something different and write about the things that are good in my life right now....

1.My boyfriend-true love and happiness.

2.I have goals.

3.I am alive.

4.I know what I want from life.Or at least I am pretty sure and I am ready to put it into motion.

5.I am changing for the better.

I am very excited.Tonite my boyfriend and I are staying at the Mondrian.And we are doing a photo shoot, we have not done one in a while so it will be a lot of fun ...-The Mondrian also has an amazing resturant we are going to right after I finish this entry...It has the best cheesecake ever!-It is a Pina Colada Cheesecake.YUM!-Those are the kinds of things I look forward to.-

I think I have been extremely negative about things.-I realize that some people are just going to be oblivious and to point things out to them, is just a waste of time.-I don't want to perpetuate the bullshit.So I am rising above it and moving on with my own shit.-Fuck it.-

I am happy.I am very lucky.I have someone in my life that cares about me very much and is extremely supportive of me.My Mom loves me.And I think that is really all that matters.If you have a few people who really care.-You don't need a million people wasting your time.-I think when you are 25 you re-evaluate your life...and things fall into place differently.-I am really looking forward to accomplishing my goals for this year...And those are...

1.Write an album,put it out.

2.Painting.

3.School.(hmm)

4.Job

5.Being in crazy films

6.Traveling a bit.

7.Saving $,get a car.

Easier written than done.I will post of course when I feel like I am actually accomplishing something.--I think I have definitely has self-inflicted writers block lately.I need to overcome that.-This diary is helpful for that.So I will probably post a lot of non-sense.So BEWARE!

So yeah that is my fucking self help diatribe.God, I should be on Oprah.I would make her piss herself,though.-HA!-

I am happy now.I swear.I really do appreciate my life.See!-

Blah Blah.....

Star

XO




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