I am guessing it will take some time for her to get in touch with me.And that is the hardest part.To pretend not to care.-I have to program myself to not pick up the phone and try to reach her.-That's really fucking hard.-
I have to do this.I don't deserve to be treated like this.I care and I just wanted to help a friend.I have to think of myself...and do what's right for me.I am happy and I lead a good life.I have been SOBER for almost a year.and it's one of the hardest things to do...after losing two 20 y/o friends this summer to heroin and cocaine overdoses...I realize it's important to prioritize my life.Life is too short.There is too much crazy shit going on in the world to be fucked up all the time.How can you live an entire life like that?? It gets boring.
My goal for the next month:enroll in school for the fall,find a part time job I like,write more,play music and rehearse as much as possible and enjoy life.I need to focus on all of those things...Keep myself busy and focused...and eventually people that need to be in my life will come around...or fall out...It's up to the forces in the universe.I am not going to play bullshit games.I have to think of myself...and the people who I care about and deal with on a daily basis...such as my loving boyfriend and my Mom...without my boyfriend I do not know where I would be.He has been my rock and anchor for me since last July (2 weeks after one of my friends died,and a month after my other friend died)...
More details later...
*and no I am not mentioning names on here...*
Cheerio!
S.Faithful
